I swear life gets too busy!

Every time I sit down to write a post, I just get overwhelmed with tiredness. I have been working 50+ hours for weeks now and 54-55 the past three weeks. To say I’m exhausted is an understatement.

It is hard now to put things in to words.

(also, I started this blog three days ago lol)

We left off with me hanging out with crush guy on Sunday. Which we did, and it was so much fun! We talked non stop for almost FIVE hours! FIVE! The only downside to it was I found out exactly how much older than me he is. I’ve always knew he was older than me, which I was perfectly fine with, but I thought like 10 years or so. No, he is 16 years older than me. Hmmm? I went back and forth about how I felt about it, mostly it was my own demons causing the problems. I had a conversation with my bff about it, which her fiance is 14 years older than her, and she helped me realize that it doesn’t matter. Like I said, I already knew he was older, and once I got past the demons, it doesn’t change anything in reality. Either way, we both admitted we had a good time. I smiled all the way home.

My problem now is, how do I get it past friends? Fast forward a week later on a Sunday, there may have been some alcohol involved lol, but I sent him a text and basically made sure he knew that I did actually like him. To which he said he has gotten that impression. I told him I didn’t expect anything out of the confession other than to put it out there and that was the end of the conversation. Then I have a moment of panic. WHAT DID I JUST DO?! These things rarely work out well for me and I am in full panic mode at this point. I am going to have to rearrange my route the following week on Thursday so I don’t run in to him, at least for one week to get past the awkwardness. Tuesday when I go back to work I decide against all that. Be an adult and put your big girl panties on and deal with the aftermath on Thursday. I had already made that decision when he shows up at the stop we see each at that day, but on Tuesday, to check on his rack. Big relief, its not awkward! We discuss whether we would see each other at my last stop, we do occasionally, and decided we wouldn’t. Now he has to drive back by this stop later to get to that stop, so if he was afraid it was going to be awkward he could have not stopped when I was there. My two stops between that one and my last one took longer than normal so I figured I had missed him, but no! He was there when I got there. We got to chat for 20 minutes while we waited to be checked in, and he takes way less time than me and when he got done he went to leave and told me he would come back and chat with me. I couldn’t stop smiling! I had to keep telling myself to stop before he came back in and saw me. He stayed about 20 minutes or so talking to me as I was working. All smiles afterwards.

That was almost two weeks ago. There is enough there to make me believe he is interested, but I also know not to assume he is. So, I am not. I am happy to just be friends, though I am not giving up hope to one day explore more than that. It is nice to have someone make me smile real smiles, even if he isn’t trying too. Just typing this out makes me smile.

I try to not be the crazy girl and text him every time I think about something I want to tell him. Again, I go back and forth between where the line is between us being friends and me becoming the crazy girl he wishes would stop sending him texts. Every time I start to just accept that we are just always going to be friends and nothing more, then things like yesterday happen. We had severe weather around, and I had already told myself I wasn’t going to text him that day, I had told myself that about Friday also and then ended up asking him something about a stop we share, but I was going to stick with it, then he text me about the weather where he was. I responded about where I was. Then I debated on it and decided fuck it and told him to be careful! He told me the same. We talked a couple times off and on through the day.

Regardless if him and I ever explore things more than being friends, it’s nice to have someone make me smile. Sometimes I wonder how he would feel if he knew how much some of the little things make me smile, or how much he makes me smile in general, like a stupid school girl, maybe one day I will tell him, but for now, I will just enjoy actually smiling.

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The feeling of happiness….

This post is going to be a little more personal than most.

Happiness is a weird thing. You don’t realize how much your world changes when you are happy.

I lost my husband 15 months ago. Sometimes I can’t believe it’s been that long already, sometimes I feel like I’ve had a dozen birthdays since then, and sometimes I still can’t quite grasp that this is my current life. Though it is. I don’t know that I can truly say that in the last 15 months I have been truly happy. Not that I haven’t had plenty of happy moments, don’t get me wrong, my life isn’t all sadness and crying. But, truly being happy goes deeper than happy moments.

Today, I felt truly happy. Though, guilt kept trying to creep in that I shouldn’t be, I had to keep reminding myself it was ok to feel happy. Being a widow is a strange thing.

I have been real grumpy lately. Work sucks right now and dating sucks. I haven’t gotten out of the house much lately because I am just so exhausted, which is frustrating and just makes me more exhausted. With me being disgruntled at work, every little thing work wise just sets me off and ruins my day. It has all been taxing. It hasn’t been the best existence lately.

Generally, when I start to get like that, I get away. Truthfully, it hasn’t been that long since I went away. Crush guy and I last week talked about going to a local brewery here and that the weekends work best for both of us. I already had plans to go see my other daughter and her kids. She isn’t my daughter by blood/marriage or anything. My daughter none the less and her kids are my honorary grand kids. I was a little worried he would want to go last weekend, but we never made plans to actually go. Whew! I apparently have been more grumpy than I realized because when I told my bff that I was going to see them she says “good! Your attitude is always better after a visit with them” Thanks lol She is though correct. It was a great visit. They normally come visit me, so it was nice to go there, To help the kids get ready for bed, dealing with their day to day, it was so much better than when they come here. Here, they are a part of my life, but when I am there, I am a part of their life. It doesn’t seem like that big of a difference, but it was. I came back feeling so good! Last night, I went to a dinner with a friend who lives 1.5 hours away, we work for the same company and she was here for some training. It was so good to visit with her in person.

Then.. today, today is Thursday. Thursday is the only day I see crush guy for sure. He didn’t come visit me at my first stop, and I was a little disappointed, but he did explain, without realizing he was explaining what happened before the stop we see each other at. We did more talking than working. I knew he was going to leave soon so I did it. I told you, I am generally pretty confident, so I say “ok, lets go to the brewery this weekend. Pick a day” We talk about it and work it out for Sunday. He finally has to leave. I can not stop smiling. It isn’t classified as a date, we are hanging out, but I am ok with that. Yes, I would love for it to be a date, but I will take hanging out. Gotta start somewhere.

This past week I have felt normal, happy and normal. Today was a sucky day at work. I clocked out at exactly 12 hours and 0 minutes, and 34 hours and 20 minutes for the week and I have only worked three days so far. Last week, I would have hated today so much and been so grumpy. But, even though, I couldn’t help but smile all day.

Life is going to be ok.

I can NOT wait until Sunday!

I am so smitten. I just need to be careful, which I am aware of. Still /sigh

Sometimes, the future seems bright. Let’s go live life!

I finally did it!

I finally did it. I told the crush we should hang out sometime.

Eeeek…. 🙂

Here is the thing about me under normal circumstances. I am not shy, and I am definitely not afraid of making things awkward/uncomfortable. I saw a guy on Site 1 that was an overnight manager at my main store and I swiped right, mostly because he is cuter than his pics and I was potentially interested, but more to see if he had swiped right on me. Which he had! He had no idea who I was, which I was happy to make things awkward and tell him. He is a story for a different time. Needless to say, he still comes over and annoys me when he is working, but he missed his chance.

I am confident until it comes to someone I really like and real feelings are on the line, and the awkwardness of him not having any interest in me, and still having to see him, well, that’s all stressful and I don’t manage well. Obviously lol

So, I had decided from before that maybe he is just friendly like me. Then, I had decided that you know what, life is short, take the risk. I had planned on this dramatic text about how I liked him, and then I psyched myself out. The next day I start thinking on it, and I just need to do something. But, then it occurs to me that I don’t really know anything about his life. I don’t know if he is seeing anyone. Then I start thinking about his roommate. I know he has a roommate, I don’t know anything else except roommate. Every time he refers to this person it is always just “my roommate” then I start to wonder if maybe roommate is code for boyfriend. Ok, if the first time I put myself out there like this and he turns out gay, well, lets just say my confidence would be a little shattered and it would be a little while before I do that again. I call my bff to discuss this, and shes in agreement we have to figure this out. In standard bff way, shes all about trying to help me lol they share a stop, but she is there hours before him. I finally concede to wait for now, and I also decide it doesn’t have to be so dramatic as the text I had planned out.

That was last week. Fast forward to today.

We chatted yesterday about him leaving some paperwork in my section, but otherwise we haven’t really chatted. Today, he shows up again at my first stop to hang out with me before the stop we generally see each other at opens! (Which also works out because him spending 40 minutes with me kept before said person from bothering me. I saw him walk by a couple of times lol) He is originally from California, so after we have chatted a bit, I decide I have an opportunity. I ask him why he came here from there. I then said if that was too personal he didn’t have to tell me. So, basically from this story I learn roommate is not code for boyfriend and that basically he is single. He did also tell me in the middle that he wasn’t “emotionally available” it went with the story and I don’t think was a hint for me. I call the bff later and we are discussing and she says her fiance told her that when they started dating, 10 years ago lol which, I am not fully emotionally available either.

Even before I call the bff, I decide that ok, today is the day. Nothing dramatic, just a simple “we should hang out sometime” As the day goes on, I am trying to decide when, I’m busy, and then the perfect opportunity presents itself. *insert angels singing* right before I am leaving my last stop I do it. I send the dreaded text. I then have a 30 minute drive back to the city. That was dumb! My phone goes off three times as I am driving. The suspense is killing me the whole way!

BUT! He is interested in hanging out!

OH MY GOD

We chatted a little about that, and a little about the situation. We haven’t talked now in a couple of hours, but I can tell you, it has been hard to contain my smile. I have smiled about others before, but this is different. Thinking about it all makes me smile. I feel like even if this doesn’t work out, it is nice to have someone make me smile like this. It gives me a little hope about the future.

We will see what happens! I am looking forward to tomorrow more than I generally am on Friday.

Frustrated….

Ok, so D and I have been talking a little more, and I am pretty tired of all talk. This week so far, we’ve been snapchatting about our days, but, he never initiates hanging out. Fine, we are both busy, maybe he is waiting on me. So, last night I ask him what he is doing tomorrow night (tonight now lol) he says nothing. So I said ok, I will come over and make dinner and we can hang out. Its all planned. Then about 5-10 minutes later he tells me he just got off the phone with his friend and she needs help working in her yard. WTF?! I tell him no worries its fine, to which he follows with ” I do really want to see you again” Am I wrong in my thinking here? A girl, who you supposedly want to see again, has agreed to come over to hang out, cook you dinner, and yes, we were more than likely going to have sex, and then you would rather go do yard work? Now, I don’t know how much this friend means to him or anything, but I feel like if I call you to see if you can come help me and you explain the previous, I am going to be like “oh no, you go hit that!” But, maybe it is because I don’t think like a normal girl lol

I finally filtered through all the messages on site 4, wheeew, uuuuhhh, so much. I did find a couple to respond to. I haven’t had a chance in the past couple days to log back in to it, as I have worked SO MUCH, so I log on this evening to this…

12 more messages?! This is why I don’t like sites to where you can just message whoever. I really don’t have the time to keep up with that. Site 4 may not last long.

I know this post is a little short, but really, why is dating so dumb?!

I’m trying a new dating app….

Update on crush guy. I was totally prepared to tell him if last week went the same as the past couple weeks had gone. BUT, it didn’t. It was back to how it had been before. We didn’t talk all week except for him texting me about the wine guy. We will see what happens, but at this point, I think I am back to he is just being friendly. The thought of “what if” was fun though for those couple of weeks.

Late Friday night, and admittedly, after a few drinks, I thought I would try a new app. Site 1 and 2 aren’t doing much for me lately, so time to try something new. Sounds reasonable right? I decided to try plenty of fish. I know I said I wouldn’t use the sites name, but I also didn’t want to edit the screenshots I am going to show you to take out their name lol from here on out, they are site 4.

Ok, so, the other three sites I use at any given time have a system. Basically, you can’t message someone unless you have a mutual like. I swipe right on you, you swipe right on me, now we can talk. Apparently, POF does not operate this way. I set up my account, added a couple of pictures of me and brief bio, and then went to bed. I honestly still don’t really know how their app works. I wake up for work Saturday morning to a shit ton of notifications. Great…. I don’t have time to deal with that, so I go to work, but ALL morning I am getting notifications from this app. As I have stated before, I don’t log in to these apps while I am working, and especially since I don’t know how this one works, I don’t want to pick up people with in distance from the city I work in. Too far from where I actually live. I finally get home from work on Saturday and log in to this..

WOW!

This is what it is like for a girl. 17 messages?! Holy shit. I understand that guys don’t know that every other guy is also blowing up my shit. How am I ever suppose to sort through all of that?? I have a busy day Saturday and I am going out of town for the afternoon, so I see an opportunity. I don’t open any of that (not that I had I time anyways at that moment) and wonder how high it will get lol I mean, that was only after about 15 hours of having my profile. Notifications keep going off all the rest of the afternoon on and off. When I finally get back home after about 12 hours later and now I have this.

Ok, only four more messages. Still, now I have 21 to sort through. As it is well after midnight, and well, a story for a different blog happens, I decide I am still not dealing with it. Sunday ends up being a busy day also, so I have equally not dealt with any of that still. I will say the notifications have slowed WAY down. I am guessing that is because most of the active people on there were quick to check out the new girl and two days later, I am not new anymore to those really active on it. Maybe I should also take that in to account, maybe the first messages, I should take with a grain of salt. They were spending their Friday night on a dating app to be the first one to message me. Though, I also set up a profile on a Friday night so maybe who am I to judge lol

This is where I sit currently..

24 messages in approximately 56 hours. That is my task today is to try and sort through those and maybe decide if I am going to stick with this app or not. I REALLY don’t like anyone just being able to message me, but hey, who knows what I might find in there.

Also, while I was previewing this and proofreading, I got two more messages. Now I currently sit at 26!

But, hey! Who knows. Maybe a date 3 worthy guy is in there somewhere. I am going to start sifting through and find out! 🙂

I forgot to title this one!

I decided I need to clean out my closet yesterday. To which I successfully got everything out of the closet, I have yet to get it sorted and things back in lol so, I think I will blog instead. That sounds like the adult thing to do right? Sure 🙂

I haven’t had much going on lately in the dating department. I have been trying to find new people to talk to, and I am not having much luck. D is still around, and we had a conversation that hes not completely still looking for something physical, good to know, to which I told him I would have put more effort in to seeing and talking to him had he said this already. But, now, I am not sure how interested I am in pursuing something more with him. I told him MONTHS ago. Which, I know, is a little shitty on my part. I don’t think my crush is helping with those feelings.

Speaking of… /sigh I’ve got it bad. I am getting closer to saying something. He made it to town last week, on the only day I am guaranteed to see him, before his first stop opened, the stop where I see him, so he came to the store I was at and hung out with me for about 30 minutes. It was fun. We just talk non stop. I was just working up the nerve to say we should hang out sometime, and then I waited too long and he left. If that situation happens again, I wont lose my nerve this time. Two weeks in a row of being early? I don’t believe in coincidence. Just the thought of him makes me smile like a stupid school girl. Ugh lol

I am going to tell you a story about S. I recently completely closed that chapter, maybe not forever, as I have learned things aren’t always official. Which was fine. He was never going to be a permanent person in my life. This I knew from the beginning. But, he gave me a gift he will never know and a gift I can never repay.

We met on site #1. We chatted a little bit and got a long great. As I have said before, I am quick to move it to text as its bothersome sometimes logging in to dating apps. He has a weird work schedule, I have a weird work schedule, which, my work schedule is a common problem for dating, but we eventually work out a time to hang out. He plays in a pool league and wanted to go have a beer and play pool. Are you kidding me?!?! I was super stoked. We ended up having several beers and playing a few games of pool. I was out of practice, so I lost, which I am not a fan of lol it was the best night. He walked me to my car when I had to go, and he was a good kisser! I was about nine or ten months out at this point and it was the first night I felt like me. I was just me. I wasn’t a mom, a daughter, a widow, I was just me. That is where the gift part comes in. I hadn’t really felt like myself in months, but what seemed like eternity, and it was good to know I was still in there. I think it helped that it wasn’t something my late husband would have done with me. Ok, to be fair, he WOULD have, but it wouldn’t have been something he was willing to do. I would of had to coerce him. I think that helped that it was something off the wall for us, but something so very fitting for me.

We went out one other time, a rare one to make it to that second date, but that was it. We even talked on the phone a few times. Who does that anymore?! Once he called me because someone tried to steal his bike and I had to calm him down. He was pissed, rightfully so, and even told me I was the only one he could call and vent like that. It was nice. We tried here and there to hang out, but I don’t think he ever really comprehended my schedule. I am all for last minute, spur of the moment plans, but I get up at 3am and you can’t say at 6pm “hey, my pool league is down the street from you, come hang out” We were never to the point of talking everyday. Sometimes we would go days without talking, fine with me really, I am busy and we haven’t established any sort of “relationship” I had pretty much moved on from him anyways, like I said, I always knew he wasn’t permanent. It had been probably a month, hell maybe longer, since I had any communication with him. I sent him a snap that he never responded to. No problem, but then a couple days later I sent him another to which I got the response of how he had met someone and they really hit it off, and he was sorry he was a coward, blah, blah, blah. All fine dude.

I will always be grateful to him for that first date. I wont ever tell him, but it will always be with me.

(also, it has taken me TWO days to get this done lol)

I am so bad at dating…

I am feeling a little woe is me today, so this post may be a little cryptic. Hopefully not.

Also, this is the best way to blog!

In my bed, watching my secret guilty pleasure, Sister wives lol in my pj’s. It is awesome.

Update on crush guy is there is no update. We have talked a little more, but it still isn’t enough to make me act on it. One day maybe I will be brave, but I don’t see that happening soon without some more sureness. I am only about 25% sure he “might” be interested. I am going to need that to be more than 50% to risk the awkwardness with someone I am going to have to deal with at some point on a weekly basis. But, I do really like him…. /sigh

Right now, my best way to meet people is online. Online dating is exhausting. EXHAUSTING!

Here is my thing, I have yet to have someone make it past a second date. I have been “actively” dating I guess you would call it for about six months or so and I have not made it to a third date. I have only had a couple of second dates, and I rarely make it to the point of meeting some one in person. SO, its rare I meet someone in person, and even rarer that anyone sticks around. Or, I guess rare since nobody has. Let’s be clear, I am not the kind of girl who NEEDS a man in her life. It would just be nice for someone to want to be there. It’s one of the cases where you start having to wonder “is it me?” I am not really sure if it’s because I am bad at dating, my expectation of what dating is, especially online dating is, or if online dating is just dumb. Maybe a mixture. And I get it, as a widow I come with extra baggage most girls don’t. There is always going to be someone that someone new is going to have to share my heart with. I get it.

I am genuinely surprised these days when I swipe right and it comes up a match. But, why does it have to be so hard to get conversations going online? Me – “Hi there! How is your weekend?” “Its good” Umm… ok? How is that a conversation? I am sure it partially has to do with whatever it is that guys deal with on their side of online dating, but I shouldn’t have to work so hard at getting a conversation going. Or, maybe, they are just as bad at this as I am. Either way, it’s frustrating. It is exhausting trying to get a conversation going, and even get it to a point that I want to move the conversation to text instead of the app.

All of this is dumb. Online dating is dumb. Dating in general is dumb. Being a widow is dumb. Life is just dumb…..

I will feel better tomorrow after a good nights sleep. Though, all of that will still be dumb tomorrow. I will just be dealing with it better 🙂

I have a crush…. eeek!

I have a crush, a hardcore, serious crush on someone. Which, in and of itself is a weird thing for me to admit. I can’t tell you the last time I had a legit crush on someone. I have been trying to decide for a couple of months now if I did in fact have a crush, or something else. This past week proved to me that I do in fact have a crush on said person. The hardest part about being a widow, well among other things, is the loneliness. Sometimes, especially early on, it’s almost crippling. I have found myself more than once over the past year, thinking someone is cute and thinking of maybe potential. I work in a field where I come across people all day long, and the same people every week, sometimes every day. Even though I would always humor the idea, I always knew it was just me grasping at straws. It would generally last a couple of weeks and then be done until it went to someone else lol that sounds bad, but it was always in my head, I can assure you nobody was none the wiser. Some of these people I don’t even talk to! So, you can see my hesitation to think that this wasn’t just grasping at straws.

Him and I work in the same field, but for different companies. We are competitors. I always see him at one store once a week, and generally run in to him at at least one other time during the week. Sometimes, it has happened that we see each other one other time.

Let’s start at the beginning. I used to have a different position, that required me to travel every week. When my husband passed away, I had to come back to a route. Me going back to a route was almost a year ago. I can’t pinpoint now the exact time we started talking to each other, but I can remember after a couple of months him using my name. It always weirds me out when people use my name and I didn’t tell them what it was lol but, I do have to sign in at a couple of stores, so I’m assuming that’s how he learned it. That’s how most do that I didn’t tell them. I do also know that he knows a bit about what I was doing before I came back to a route. This doesn’t really mean anything to me, though I was always curious how the conversation came up, but obviously he had a conversation with another person from my company that he interacts with. It could have been merely just a generic wondering about this new person he was going to have to deal with and the person from my company had a bigger mouth than necessary lol

Over the past months, I like to think we have become friends. Though, we don’t generally talk about things that don’t involve work. Here and there we get a little personal, but generally not. There was a moment quite a few months ago that I was so frustrated with life, both personally and professionally, I was drowning in all my frustration. I can’t even tell you now how the conversation started, other than we started talking about work as we were unloading outside, and I just kept going. I let it all out, both about work and the personal stuff. I am not one to share personal things about myself with these people I come in contact with at work, but all I knew was I was just spouting it all like some kind of verbal vomit and I could not stop. I remember when I got done I was like “oh my god. I am so sorry. Thank you for listening, because I do fell better getting it all out, but I am still so sorry!” He didn’t seem to care, but I was a little mortified.

A few months ago, as girls are tricky, I got his phone number. He had shown me a picture he had taken of a sign on the wine guy’s truck (we have a personal vendetta against him that he has no idea… more on this later) and I had him send it to me so I could show my best friend (who also works for my company) so she could laugh at it also. To be fair, I did really want to send it to her, and she did laugh, but I also saw an opportunity. He immediately saved my number, and actually I thought I had saved his, but I didn’t for a few more weeks. We RARELY ever sent a text. Until we started having problems with said wine guy, and we would have what I called “wine guy watch Thursdays” Basically, whoever got to the store we work at the same time would text the other the status of where the wine guy was in line so the other knew whether to hurry or take your time because you were going to get stuck behind him and have to wait to get checked in anyways. Even still, this wasn’t every week.

And then, we had an incident with another competitor, and this is when our communication through text changed. I am not going to get in to the incident, but it was ridiculous and him and I now refer to this person as douchebag. I even went to bat for him against douchebag and I told him there aren’t many competitors I would do so for. It’s true. If we hadn’t had the established relationship we do now, I might not have, but douchebag was so in the wrong. Now our texts have turned in to douchbag watch, or texts about our interactions with him, or things that make us laugh about him. Still, sometimes we go more than a week without texting. It is still not a regular thing, and still almost always about work.

I found a new favorite product recently, that happens to be made by his company. He knows this, we talked about it. Last Tuesday he sends me a text about where douchebag is and I tell him I’m glad hes already been where I am because I am too grumpy for him today. He sends me a picture of said product and asks if it will help me with my grumpiness because he had to credit one out that morning. Yes, duh! lol he tells me he will look for my truck and bring it to me. I just tell him where I am, that I will be there awhile and my truck is unlocked.

I.COULD.NOT.STOP.SMILING! Like so much so, I kept expecting people to ask me why I was.

That is when I knew it was a crush for sure /sigh

We talked every day last week except for Saturday. Two days was just one text each back and forth, but still. We never text on Saturday, even though we are both working, and he has never text me on Monday because he knows I am off. I’m not working, so I have no reason to.

Here is my dilemma, he is really a genuinely nice person. There are little things here and there that he has done that could be misconstrued as he has interest, when really he is just a nice guy. I’ve had this happen to me before. I am generally a friendly person, and people have taken my friendliness as flirting. I’m having a hard time deciding if he is just being friendly, or if it is interest. I don’t want to be wrong and make things awkward for us, or lose what relationship we have now. I don’t want my widow brain illness to have concocted something that is not there. It’s not like I can be wrong and never see him again. I’m going to try and feel it out a little more over the next couple of weeks.

Stay tuned 🙂

(Also, I am looking forward to going back to work tomorrow and seeing if he text me. Dating is dumb…. lol)

My friend D

I’m going to tell you a little story about D. He has been around off and on for a couple of years. We had a misunderstanding early on, and then every so often he would message me, and I am going to admit, that due to the misunderstanding, I was not very pleasant to him. Now why he ever kept messaging me every so often is beyond me. But, he did. After my husband passed, I saw him on one of my sites. I don’t know which now, not important, and we started talking.

We end up hanging out a couple times, we went out for drinks first, and I really enjoyed hanging out with him, then I also went over to his house one night for a couple hours, not all talking happened 😉

At this point, I knew all he was looking for was something physical, which is perfectly fine, no problem. But, I did enjoy hanging out with him so I told him that if he ever felt like he wanted to explore more, I would be interested. No more communication about this has happened. Which is fine.

I have noticed that there has been a lot more communication over the past couple of weeks. He has been asking me how my day was and the sort and we are basically talking everyday now. To me though, I still see him as someone who only wants something physical. If that has changed with him, he should say. Right? I told him to let me know. I am not one to assume anything, so I am still going with that.

This weekend I am going out of town to my friends St. Pattys Day party. I really don’t want to go by myself. To be fair, I don’t mind doing things by myself, I have even gone to visit them by myself. I just don’t want to this time. I know he has his kids this weekend, but I brought it up anyways. Here is my dilemma, yes, he has his kids this weekend, and I am definitely all for kids come first. They have too. BUT, he has his kids a week on, a week off. Friday to Friday every other week. You mean to tell me that you cant go one night to go out of town with me and have some fun? Am I wrong in this thinking? I mean, if you only had your kids every other weekend or so, or something like that, I could be a little more understanding. It has really made me think about things. Now, I also dont know anything about his exwife or their arrangements. Maybe she is the problem? I should add they are also older, teenagers. I just don’t understand how one night away is a no go.

Maybe him and I just need to keep it physical. Time will tell.

Random online encounters

I’m quickly discovering what my main problem is going to be with blogging… I have to come up with a catchy title for every post?! /sigh ….. starting with this one, I’m going to title it last 🙂

I’m going to give you two quick stories of what it’s like in the online dating world for girls. I’m sure guys have their own set of things to deal with from us girls, and honestly, I bet it would be an interesting read. Maybe it would help me not be so bad at dating if I understood more of the other side! Or, maybe I am just bad at dating. Not very many guys I actually chat with ever make it to actually meeting in person. Mostly, because this is some of what I encounter.


Ok, so here is my main issue with this. Ok, let’s be real, there are a couple. First, if you have in your profile that what you are looking for is a hookup, then this is perfectly acceptable in my opinion. BUT you did not. Second, if you know my reaction is going to be to unmatch you, then why say it?? Needless to say, he got unmatched.

(Also, while I have been working on this I got a notification that someone matched with me on site 2! Who has still not sent me a message. I’ve already stated my opinion on this, if I swipe right and we match I am going to send you a message. If you do, then you should send me a message. I’m curious if it has something to do with what guys deal with from girls? I guess if he doesn’t by the time I am through with this, I might)

Second story. I start talking to this guy on site 1, not a whole lot of conversation mind you. Then I see him on site 2 a few days later and think “let’s see if he also matched me here?” Which he had! So, we start talking a little there, still not much. I don’t log in to those sites when I’m working for two reasons: 1) I am working 2) I work 30 miles away from where I live and if I do then I end up catching people who are in my mileage range from there but in reality are WAY too far from me. I tell him this and give him my number so we can text instead. We don’t really. A few days later I get a message from him on site 1. I’m like “what? Ok, whatever dude” I don’t log on to that one a whole lot mainly because people can see when you are online. I explain to him that I don’t and he should just text me to which his response his “Ok, what number?” Really dude? You don’t realize you are talking to the same person on two sites? My response “Probably the same number I gave you on site 2” Then I receive this text:

Again, seriously dude? Needless to say, he got unmatched on both and that was our last communication.

Online dating is so dumb……

(also, said person from earlier has not sent me a message yet, and it has been an hour. I guess I will say hi and see what happens)