I can’t believe it has been over a month since I have blogged.
I take that back, yes I can.
I realized recently that I have gotten to comfortable in my little bubble. My introverted, wanting to do nothing outside, not talk to people (especially new people), enjoying staying in my house doing nothing, being antisocial, type of bubble. Which was weird for me to admit to myself, as well as just type it out, being the extrovert that I am. I keep telling myself I need to get out and get some me time out of the house. Early this morning while I was working I made a whole plan to go out to lunch by myself to a new Mexican restaurant I was recommended, but, yet here I sit at my kitchen table already have had lunch and typing this. That worked out real well I will say.
Not long after my last post, I deactivated site #1 and kept site #3, even though I wasn’t having much luck really on either. A couple chats here and there, a couple of matches that unmatched me when I sent a message, things like that. I did sort of start talking to a guy in an open marriage and we got along, but back to me being too comfortable in my bubble, I would be really bad at texting him. He sent me a text a couple weeks ago now while I was working, I was really busy, so I didn’t respond and then his text got pushed down past where I would see it when I opened my texts, so I forgot to respond. About a week and half later he sends me this long text about how ghosting people wasn’t nice and I had hurt his feelings and all of that since he felt like there was a small connection. All totally fair. I did respond to him and tell him I didn’t really ghost him, not on purpose anyways, and explained the above and reminded him I had already told him I was too comfortable in my bubble. Then I apologized for hurting his feelings. I truly didn’t mean to! He said thank you and that is that.
I did after that, promptly go deactivate site #3.
I have known for a long time that I am bad at dating, and with the realization about my bubble I have realized the reason I am bad at dating is because of me. I really just don’t care about it. I may have complained about this before, but I don’t know what has happened to guys since I last really dated, but they are so needy! I get tired of trying to explain my work schedule, I am sorry but if you have a regular M-F 8-5 job, then we are not hanging out during the week. No, you can’t come over and hang out with me, I have kids here who you don’t need to meet. I get busy during the work day. I don’t get paid by the hour, I work until I get done. I am sorry that it takes me awhile sometimes to respond to your text, sometimes a couple of hours, because responding to your text makes my day longer and you just aren’t that important to me yet. Sorry you are mad because you don’t understand not everyone has a desk job and can just sit on their phones. Sometimes when I get home I am exhausted and equally don’t want to make small talk. So, you get mad I don’t talk to you the couple of hours I am home and actually awake, since I go to bed around 7pm.
All of that is exhausting, and I am just tired of trying to maneuver it all. Especially since I am perfectly happy in my single status, enjoying my time in my own space and not worrying about someone else intruding on that or their neediness. Again, my little bubble.
With all of that being said, I think crush guy was right. We do have a good thing going. It is nice to talk to him when I want, I don’t have to worry if I don’t respond to his text, or I don’t talk to him at all for a couple of days. He is still there. I do feel like after we had that brief convo after our one stop said we should date, that we have become more friends. On Thursdays when we see each other, we have talked more. This past Thursday he brought me some beer to try. I am working on a business deal, he has been helping me with that. Though, I would still want something more, it is really the perfect balance of things right now. I have this extra person in my life who has a zero neediness factor. I am switching routes soon though, and it does make me a little nervous as to how our friendship will be when we don’t see each other at work. It also makes me sad to not have this built in time. I do so enjoy our relationship as it is right now.
Now, there is also my Australia friend. I do have a trip to go visit him planned for December. I am SO super excited! Things between us are still just friendly. We don’t talk everyday, but almost. Here and there in my morning, and here and there in my evening. Thanks time difference! He is basically in the same place I am, though he is deeper in to his bubble. I won’t post his business here, but hes sworn off dating and basically all he does is work. He works a LOT. He has two jobs and he just spends his time work work work. Still, it makes me smile every time I hear my facebook messenger go off at a time it is probably him, like 4am when nobody else is awake to talk to me. But, it is nice to have someone who inquires how my day is sometimes, who I can care how his day went, and just share tidbits of my life with and have them do the same and not have to worry that they want to come over and invade my space lol As soon as I pick vacation for next year, he is going to come see me. Sometimes I do wonder if there might be potential there, and then I remind myself he lives in AUSTRALIA! I have zero idea if he has thought of any of this, it is quite possible that he isn’t on the other side of the world pondering the same thing I am. But, maybe he is. I do feel like it is going to be really hard to leave there and come back home, how hard is obviously yet to be determined. They have a sport in Australia called footy. I have become quite intrigued by it. Like, paying so I can watch it on an app (only way I can) and partially watching a finals game while working yesterday. I tell you this so I can also say as much as I’m saying all of this friend stuff with him, I am currently sitting here typing this out wearing my Carlton Blues t-shirt, who is the team he roots for. It is my new favorite shirt as it is super comfy.
All of that said, I am not actively trying to date at the moment, always subject to change lol, if I happen to meet someone in person, great, if not, great also. I am perfectly happy in my single state with these two men who I can enjoy in my life, and not have to worry about it being anything more. It really works out well as I am enjoying living in my bubble.
Still weird for my extroverted self to say 🙂