Just like that…

… its over.

I am starting to think maybe the universe is like “sorry. You already had the love of your life. You get nobody else.”

A lot of the time, I will reread my last post before I write a new one, but this time I can not. I felt truly happy when I made that last post. Even though my visit was a little awkward, when I boarded the plane and came home, I was still happy.

Then everything changed…

Immediately the following morning C was different. It was different all day to the point of me asking him if everything was ok. After a couple of days of things being weird, it allowed me to step back and properly evaluate the situation. Our visit did not go the way it should have. It was more like two friends hanging out and not like two people together when one has just flown half way across the country to see the other. That is not the relationship I want. We ended up having a conversation and it was a mutual, amibacle separation.

I hope I am not chasing that high of feeling happy for the rest of my life but I am really starting to wonder if I am just meant to be single forever. I did start talking to T again once I was single. It is going ok, but not great. I haven’t seen him yet, even though I have brought it up a couple times. I do try to understand he is busy, his job is definitely more demanding than mine. Which is saying something! But, it takes a couple of days for him to text me first. If I text him, he always responds and generally pretty quick! Which I do enjoy, especially with his job. Though, if I don’t text him, it depends on how long it will take for me to hear from him. Like today, I haven’t text him and he hasn’t text me. It is well in to the evening.

I say this all the time; you make time for things that are important. How important am I for you to make an effort? I don’t feel like much. I haven’t given up yet and I think that is because he is the only person since I have been here that I have felt any real connection to. I would really like to see what happens! But, I cant do all the work.

I don’t have many second dates, since I have been here, I have had ZERO second dates. In some cases, T lol, we haven’t even had a first date. Anytime I’m on a dating app, I will really start getting along with someone, just to come back a day or two later and they are gone.

It does really start to wear on your soul after awhile.

How do you meet people out in the real world? I for sure don’t know. It doesn’t help all I do is work.

I have had this post saved for a couple weeks now. T is gone. I”m not sure what happened. I stopped texting him, which I stated earlier that he wouldn’t text me first a lot of the time, after a few days I sent him a text that simple said “havent heard from you in a few days. I hope all is well” Nothing. I am done chasing him. Now here I am, back out in the world of dating apps.

I love that for me lol